Becoming Family: Healthy Boundaries

February 22nd, 2023

Mark 10:9 - Therefore what God has joined together, let no one
separate.”

Jesus was asked about marriage and this was his response, but
I believe this extends to the heart of family. Marriage is God’s beginning of family. Joining two people together creates life, moves beyond just two and becomes many. Your families should never be divided or separated. We need to learn to be the family that God created us to be through diving deeper into the values that hold us together.

Galatians 6:2 - Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.

This verse and many others are responsible for how we learn to
love each other – family and beyond. We are called to carry their burden and love unconditionally. Sometimes when we read verses like these, we start to say things that become
common but are not in the bible like: “God never gives you anything you can’t handle", "Keep carrying all those burdens around you", "Keep digging in" and"Give til it hurts" –

THESE STATEMENTS ARE NOT IN THE BIBLE!

We must never allow the truth of scripture get twisted into a lie. This is how abuse creeps into relationships. We say something like this: “They are going through something and I need to help them carry their burden." Never allow abuse (real abuse) in your life and in your relationships.
Acts 18:5 - When Silas and Timothy came from Macedonia, Paul devoted himself exclusively to preaching, testifying to the Jews that Jesus was the Messiah. But when they opposed Paul and became abusive, he shook out his clothes in protest and said to them, “Your blood be
on your own heads! I am innocent of it. From now on I will go to the Gentiles.”

Paul was sent to EVERYONE, but when they became abusive, He didn’t quit his calling, he moved on refusing to be abused. Satan will always try and twist what God says to hurt us – refuse abuse, but follow God’s word.

Healthy families have healthy boundaries – Godly family has Godly boundaries.

Notice I said boundary, not a stone wall. Don’t mistake a healthy boundary for a wall of bitterness.
Matthew 7:6 - “Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.
Jesus instructed us to have boundaries. A boundary can be a line in the sand or caution tape – My wife knows when something happens and I have a rough day and need some space. We all need boundaries – to know how far its healthy for you to go, and how far it’s healthy for someone to come in. Relationships are about sharing who we are and giving
people access to parts of us – it's a beautiful thing when done right.

God gets full access, everyone else you have to decide what is healthy.

Without boundaries, people have full access to all that I am, and I no longer have a say in what I GIVE or RECEIVE. I am out of control and people can take whatever they want from you. If someone isn’t willing to carry their own load, they will never help with yours – this doesn’t mean God doesn’t love them, or that we should ignore them, but we do need to decide where the line is drawn.
Proverbs 27:17 - As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

How to create boundaries
1. BUILD BOUNDARIES WITH WISDOM– yes’s and no’s
Luke 14:28 – But don’t begin until you count the cost.
Don’t say yes until you calculate the “no’s” it will cost you. I can’t say yes to everything, my heart wants to – but my family deserves my yes's first. Time only gives you a certain amount of “yes’s” so I need to say yes to God, and then to my family. Count the cost.

2. BUILD BOUNDARIES WITH LOVE – not absence – avoiding people is not setting boundaries.
Just because you need some boundaries doesn’t mean you have to write someone off completely. Allison and I have boundaries, and we make new ones often. She is allowed to speak to any situation in my life, but not as if I am her child. I am allowed to speak to most situations in her life, but not in the tone of accusation or dismissal.
Love sets better boundaries than anger – instead of letting it build up, say something when things are calm. Love is communicated best when you ask someone to start
doing something that helps you instead of stating to stop something that hurts you with no suggestion as to what to do different – if you don’t know, they don’t know.

3. BUILD BOUNDARIES WITH FORGIVENESS – not walls of bitterness.
This is a big one – if you hurt me, now I want walls to go up. Walls are for hiding, isolation, and its where pain is allowed to grow and wounds can’t heal. When I don’t forgive, and I just avoid and hide – then I just lock in me the bad thing I just experienced. Ever wonder why God is so adamant that we forgive?
Mark 11:25 says before you even pray, forgive everyone.

When someone hurts us, there is a power they keep over us until we forgive, a wound that even when they are no longer around we can still feel and experience. Unforgiveness takes power away from you and gives it to the one who hurt you. But when you forgive, that power goes back to you – forgiveness empowers you.
Healthy families have healthy boundaries. What boundaries need to be drawn in your life?

Hope Point Church exists to point people to the hope of Jesus, one family at a time. Our service times are Sunday at 9AM and 11AM. Hope Kids is available at every service for kids ages 6 weeks through 5th grade. We would love for your family to come worship with us. You can find more information at www.hopepointkc.com.